Pulse victims’ families in Puerto Rico: 'We have to cry alone' [Video]
IO GRANDE, Puerto Rico — A wall in the living room of Martin Benítez Torres’ childhood home is adorned with almost 400 black and white photos that show the best moments he spent with his loved ones.
His bedroom, filled with all the costumes he used to create for Halloween celebrations and beauty pageants, remains untouched.
“I will never move anything here,” said his mother, Myriam Torres. “I just come here to clean and sit in his bed. I feel him right next to me. It is the only comfort we have, ourselves and these memories.”
Twenty-three of the 49 people gunned down a year ago at the Pulse nightclub were from Puerto Rico. For their families living on the island, grief has been a solitary affair.
“I have just spoken briefly to some moms, but not like in Orlando. I read in the paper that they get together, they attend events together -- but not here. In here is like nothing ever happened; we have to cry alone,” Torres said.
“I would love to be able to see them and hug them. We know what they are going through and it would be amazing to be able to connect.”
Just about two hours away, the family of Jonathan Camuy, 24, is also locked in its lonely torment.
“It’s been tough for our family, it’s been tough for our marriage … my wife can’t talk about this. She is too hurt,” said Carlos Camuy, Jonathan’s father.
While Myriam Torres is comforted by the reminders of her son, Jonathan’s mother said just looking at his photos was unbearable.
“We had a big painting that was given to us as a gift. We had it in the living room, but every time I used to go through that hall, I just couldn’t take it,” Lourdes Vega said. “I felt like I had no control of my knees and would just fall down.”
Some wonder: What if their loved one hadn’t moved to the mainland? What if the community was more accepting of homosexuality?
Siclaly “Laly” Santiago, whose cousin Luis Daniel Wilson León died at Pulse, had hoped he would have a better life when he moved to Central Florida.
“I knew that in Puerto Rico he felt like he couldn’t be himself, that he couldn’t be free,” she said. “So when he moved here, I knew Pulse was the perfect place so he could be himself, dance and meet other people with similar backgrounds.”
Just like Danny, 37, many Puerto Ricans have fled the island in search of freedom and acceptance, said LGBT activist Pedro Julio Serrano.
“Unfortunately, we are not where we should be at. The fact that we need to defend our rights represents an issue,” he said. In Puerto Rico, “there have been little triumphs in terms of rights, but the current administration is dedicated to removing them all.”
Transsexual Samantha Love, who also moved out of the island, said that “many of our community have to leave, not because they want to, but because they don’t feel accepted, they don’t want to hurt mom, dad, grandma. It is very difficult to live in a small island where we are not accepted as equals.”
In 2011, a center opened in Puerto Rico that offers the LGBT community a place to receive counseling and therapy.
Cecilia La Luz, founder and executive director of the Community Center, said it helps a population that has been known to be “excluded, marginalized and whose rights are constantly being stepped on.”
“Our center is the first of its kind in the island serving not only the LGBTQ community, but the family and friends who need support,” La Luz said. “We have had to deal with people who come frustrated because when they have gone to a psychologist, they are doubly victimized and feel like being gay or transgender is a crime or a sin.”
“Homophobia in Puerto Rico is very strong, even after all the advances that have been accomplished up until now,” she added.
In fact, one of the first moves of the current governor of Puerto Rico, Ricardo Rosselló Nevares, elected on November 2016, was to rescind a mandate that allowed kids in school to choose the uniform and bathrooms they wanted to use according to their gender identity.
The same right to use bathrooms freely was also rescinded by the Senate president, Thomas Rivera Schatz, for that chamber’s transsexual employees. Those employees had been allowed to use the bathrooms according to their gender identity. He also eliminated the order that would have permitted these employees to dress according to their gender identity.
“Human rights are not like a cafeteria. You can’t pick and choose what you like and then feel like you didn’t like it the next day,” said the mayor of San Juan, Carmen Yulín Cruz.
“Regardless of what this government chooses to do, I will continue to be a voice for those who feel they can’t be heard. Here in San Juan, we are an inclusive city and we will protect the rights of every citizen,” he said.
Cruz said that “this government is not looking after the best interest of the community in general, let alone this community that has been so marginalized in our island.”
Although the Orlando Sentinel tried contacting the governor of Puerto Rico several times to get his response on this issue, he was never available.
According to La Luz, who now serves as an adviser to the current administration, the government has plans to address LGBT rights. “There are many other ways in which we can help our gay community and work together as one.”
“That is what happens: They hide behind a desk and keep stripping us from our rights, but we are not afraid; we will keep fighting,” activist Serrano said.
He added that there are groups and leaders who are willing to fight for equality.
The grieving families are seeing some changes after their children’s deaths.
“I have to admit that when Jonathan told us about his sexual orientation, at first it was a shock,” Jonathan Camuy’s father said. “I told him I supported him, but I wasn’t fully understanding of him and why it was important for him. Now, after Pulse, I have had friends who didn’t accept gay people come to me and tell me that because of my son, they have changed their way of thinking.
“We are a small island and it is difficult for some to look past the differences, but at the end, we are just human beings,” Camuy said.
Although the site is not visited often, the city of San Juan has its own monument honoring the Pulse victims, near the beach of Escambron, where people can pay their respects.
“I knew we needed something to remember them by. We have this sculpture with the rainbow colors. It grows from the ground up, solid, like nothing is going to bring it down,” the mayor said. Next to the monument is a plaque that has the names of the 23 victims from Puerto Rico followed by the other 26 names.
“They are all as important; we honor their lives, their legacy and remember that love is love,” Cruz said.
Meanwhile, a year after a tragedy that opened up the debate about equality and love, the families continue to grief in silence, finding their own ways to cope with the loss of their loved ones and live their lives as their sons, cousins and brothers would have liked.
“There is not a day that goes by that I don’t question the whys and what-ifs, but there are no answers,” said Olga Disla, mother of 25-year-old Anthony Laureano Disla. “I just try to remember that my son lived his life to the fullest.”
You may contact digital reporter Jennifer A. Marcial Ocasio at jmarcial@orlandosentinel.com or407-540-4004 or @JenniferMarcial
Pulse victims’ families in Puerto Rico: 'We have to cry alone'
Comments